I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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