I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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