if you like me you must not know who I am
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
