and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
