Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
