I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
