I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
