well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
