Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
