my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
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Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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