New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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