she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
the raccoons are back...
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