The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
