i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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