I hate your face
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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