Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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