There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
