dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
