Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just saw a hot homeless man
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
