she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
