im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
