singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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