Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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