allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
