Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
