Where is the hickey?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
