you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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