Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
