He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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