i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
