I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
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You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
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My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just high enough for therapy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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