I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
