got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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