I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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