I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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