I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
