im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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