You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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