Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
