I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
