I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
