She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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