you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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