the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
