I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
