Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
