I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
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you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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