Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
