Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You made out with two different species that night
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
