my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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