hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
