I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
