I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
