please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
