SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dick very happy bro
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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