I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
