I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
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I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
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I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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