I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize