between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
