oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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