if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
