Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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