if i can run in heels then i can drive
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
