I accidentally burped into my bong.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
