i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I want a musical about memes.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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