why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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